She looked me right in the eyes, paused for a moment, then slowly said, “Well…” My heart sank and my brain immediately said, “Oh no!” One of the many things I love about my wife is her ability to deliver honest feedback with total love and care.
She continued, “Well, I didn’t really care for the opening because you seemed a bit distant or flat. It was as if I was watching a performance, but it was not going to be a conversation. It felt a little disconnected.” I responded, “Okay. I got it. You said ‘the opening’ was like that. Did it get any better?” A grin spread across her face as she lit up with positive energy. She touched my hand and said, “Oh yeah. It got MUCH better! It was as soon as you told the story about our kids. All of a sudden, you were a father, a husband. You were an everyday man. You were finally one of us! From that point on, we were connected with you.”
I love my wife and I appreciate her honest feedback because I know she has my best interest at heart. She is critical to build me up, not tear me down. While I had prepared for my delivery
(Cicero would be proud), I had failed in one vital area. I had not focused on my audience enough to connect with them from the very start.
Here is what I’ve learned. There are three key elements you need to offer the audience to connect: empathy, knowledge, and trust. The audience wants to know:
If you can truly relate to your audience by sharing a common experience, it will show you not only understand where they are now, but you’ve lived it. You can also expose your vulnerable side by sharing a personal situation where you didn’t have the answer or even know the next step. You survived and lived to tell about it; and that’s why we want to hear from you today!
We want to know you are going to share something valuable with us today. Whether it’s knowledge on how to accomplish something or its your amazing story of survival in the wilderness. We hope to learn from you. Your training and experience explain to us why you are speaking and why we should listen.
Aristotle defined trustworthiness as a part of
ethos. Without trustworthiness from the speaker, the other two items above are just noise. You’ve heard the expression before, “People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care.” This phrase is most often attributed to
Theodore Roosevelt and it sums up the third element of connecting. Trustworthiness and goodwill stem from an unselfish heart. When the speaker puts the audience first, it shows. Let the audience know your message is for them.
"People don’t care how much you know, until they know how much you care."
-Theodore Roosevelt
Some leaders are extremely effective with influencing an audience to take action. Effective speakers can take people from where they are today to the leader’s visionary destination tomorrow, but this will only happen if the audience is connected with the speaker. The simple starting point for connecting with your audience is to start with your heart. Make sure you have the audience’s best interest at heart and it will show.
Lead from the heart,
Russ
When have you seen someone use these three elements masterfully?
Russ Peterson Jr.
Co-Founder, iSpeak
